USPTO ISSUES TRADEMARK: LOOKEE TV

ALEXANDRIA, Va., June 4 -- The trademark LOOKEE TV (Reg. No. 3969411) was issued on May 31 by the USPTO.

Owner: Best-Supplier International Inc. CORPORATION CANADA 277 - 5489 Byrne Road Burnaby CANADA.

The trademark application serial number 85091161 was filed on July 22, 2010 and was registered on May 31.

The description of the mark registered is "Color is not claimed as a feature of the mark. The mark consists of stylized letters "Lookee TV", with two letters "o" in "Lookee" replaced by a pair similarly-sized graphic known as the human's eyes."

Goods and Services: Broadband radios; Computer programs for using the internet and the world wide web; Computer programs for using the internet and the worldwide web; Computer software, namely, software development tools for the creation of mobile internet applications and client interfaces; Contingency response communication system designed to provide radio interoperability, streaming video, wireless internet, and VOIP phone; Digital music downloadable from the Internet; Digital music systems that synchronizes digital radio files stored on a home unit, a car unit, or portable unit and that may be backed up to an internet depository; Downloadable image file containing artwork, text, audio, video, games and Internet Web links relating to sporting and cultural activities; Internet radios; Internet servers; Interoperable communication system designed to provide radio, streaming video, wireless internet, and VOIP phone; Mobile radios; Portable radios; Relays for radio and TV stations; Software defined radio; Wireless broadband radios; Wireless narrowband radios. FIRST USE: 20100413. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 20100413

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USPTO ISSUES TRADEMARK: HABITAT FOR HORSES

ALEXANDRIA, Va., Jan. 19 -- The trademark HABITAT FOR HORSES (Reg. No. 3902516) was issued on Jan. 11 by the USPTO.

Owner: Habitat for Horses, Inc. non-profit corporation TEXAS P.

O. Box 213 Hitchcock TEXAS 77563.

The trademark application serial number 77696928 was filed on March 23, 2009 and was registered on Jan. 11.

Goods and Services: Animal rescue services, namely, equine rescue. FIRST USE: 19971000. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 19971000

Charitable services, namely, the physical care and rehabilitation of abused, neglected, and abandoned equines. FIRST USE: 19971000. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 19971000

Providing equine rescue adoption and foster care services, namely, arranging for horses and other equines to be placed in temporary foster or permanent homes; Providing information in the field of equine rescue adoption and foster care via the Internet. FIRST USE: 20050822. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 20050822

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Supporting retailers in the turbulent '90s

In retail, times have been tough. Over the past several years, more than 100,000 U.S. retailers have filed for bankruptcy protection, many of which were forced to liquidate. Newspapers and the covers of trade magazines bear witness to the demise of retail outlets that once enjoyed a stellar reputation along with high growth and profits. Even household names are not immune in an era of retail malaise: Kmart's troubles have been widely publicized and even Wal-Mart stumbled in 1996, failing to make its 100th consecutive quarter of growth.

Understanding the current retail scene requires a look at the issues underlying this dramatic change over the last few tumultuous years. Above all, the U.S. has been and remains grossly overstored; in the U.S., there are an incredible 18-to-19 square feet of retail space per capita. Common sense dictates that many failures are simply a result of excess capacity. In this sense, the shrinking of the retail market is much like the periodic corrections of Wall Street's bull market - painful, but necessary.

Second, many previously successful players engaged in mergers, acquisitions and heavily leveraged buyouts in the late '80s and early '90s. Rather than build their business base, these retailers built mounds of debt, which diverted cash flow from store modernization and took management attention away from the consumers. Now many are paying or have paid the price.

At the same time, shopper attitudes and spending patterns have irrevocably changed, as consumers continue to focus on value. Brand loyalty is much less likely to drive a purchasing decision than it did only a few years ago. Because so many products are viewed as commodities, price competition is fierce and tends to drive out all but the most efficient vendors. Those that remain often see their margins drastically reduced. Among buyers of higher-priced and durable goods, customer service perceptions have a pervasive influence today. A single unpleasant customer experience can permanently tarnish a retailer's reputation, or even end a longstanding and mutually valuable relationship.

How people shop is also changing. The time-tested pattern in which shoppers bought name-brand goods at a traditional department store, staples at a discount store and groceries at the corner supermarket, is gone. Consumers are increasingly shopping at formats that did not exist until recently, such as superstores, category killers and warehouse clubs. Today's families can buy jeans, a grill, a bicycle and spark plugs at a superstore, then walk a few aisles over and purchase their week's groceries. While still in a fairly experimental state, consumers are starting to look at alternatives - like the Internet and home-shopping networks - while others increasingly use nonstore retailers such as catalog vendors.

All of these conditions have created a troublesome paradox for retailers, not unlike that experienced by such divergent industries as airlines and telecommunications: even as they become more efficient and productive, their business has become less and less profitable. In many cases, dollar savings from productivity improvements have been passed entirely to the consumer in an effort to maintain and grow market share.

Breaks in the clouds

Still, the outlook is not all bad. Despite the inordinately bleak picture painted by many consumer media, Christmas of 1995 was good to many retailers, and Spring 1996 decidedly better. Consumer confidence is holding and gradually growing and there are strong indications of a pentup demand for soft goods. One positive outcome for the strongest retailers is that they can capture a bigger piece of the pie and take market share from weaker competitors.

The principal reason for an upbeat outlook is that many retailers have gotten their houses in order. The first order of business for many retailers was to regain their focus on the customer. A prime example is the "new" Sears under the leadership of CEO Arthur Martinez. Once portrayed on the cover of Fortune as a veritable dinosaur, this American institution currently enjoys sizable growth and an energized, dedicated workforce. Its recent turnaround comes in large part from a comprehensive effort to get closer to its customers. Sears has expended extraordinary effort to better understand who shops there and why, and has made significant changes to serve that target shopper. The results are evident and dramatic.

Additionally, smart retailers are focusing on process improvement. Rather than merely demand across-the-board price cuts and rebates, retailers are partnering with key suppliers to effect needed process change. Quick response (QR) has become the name of the game, ensuring that precisely those products sought by consumers will be on store shelves, in the sizes, colors and varieties they desire. Using point-of-purchase and artificial intelligence systems, retailers are replenishing their stocks and accurately forecasting what will be needed in the days and weeks ahead. Some retailers have moved in the direction of vendor-managed inventory (VMI), obliging suppliers to take on this task as a condition of doing business. Implemented with just-in-time supply chain principles, these systems help retailers drastically reduce their warehousing and distribution costs, and return to a focus on meeting customer needs.

Other technologies play a key, if not central, role in a return to prosperity. Some leading retailers, including WalMart and J.C. Penney, are incentivizing their suppliers to use electronic data interchange (EDI) to receive orders and bill and reconcile transactions, thus improving productivity and reducing the need for administrative staffs. A type of EDI known as advanced shipping notices (ASN) helps retailers verify that a shipment corresponds with the invoice pertaining to it. Using ASN, retailers avoid having to open cartons and check inventory, a laborious, inaccurate and costly process.

Finally, retailers are looking at international markets as a widening avenue for growth. Several major U.S. retailers are expanding in Mexico and a number of large chain stores that ventured north into Canada in the early 1990s, including The Gap and The Home Depot, have seen considerable success. Emerging markets in the Pacific Rim and elsewhere also represent vast potential demand for U.S. consumer goods. Under creative joint venture arrangements, such as the J.C. Penney Collection stores operating in the Middle East, American-based retailers can create new opportunities while sharing the overall costs and risks of global expansion.

The role of asset-based lenders and factors In the midst of all this change, access to capital can prove critical to a retailer's success. For many asset-based lenders in the mid-1980s, retail was viewed as an unknown and esoteric business, with widely varying business cycles and seasons. Most were hesitant to lend to retailers because they did not understand, or were uncomfortable with, their methods of estimating and valuing inventories. These entail complex inventory counting models and calculations involving markups, markdowns and shrinkage. General retail conditions and practices added to lenders' uneasiness, too, like the proliferation of retail stock-keeping units (SKUs) into the tens of thousands and an ever-expanding number of inventory locations. In addition, because of the perceived impact on the availability of trade support, retailers themselves were loathe to pledge inventory as collateral.

Yet for cash-starved and overleveraged retailers, asset-based loans were their only potential source of funds, because banks had neither the expertise nor the desire to monitor and value the collateral. Trade credit provided by suppliers and factoring companies also tightened up, albeit with good reason in many cases.

A higher level of comfort

In the past 10-to-12 years, asset-based lenders have embraced the retail industry liberally. The same point-ofpurchase systems and other technologies that helped retailers improve their business results also gave lenders a much clearer and more accurate picture of retail inventories. This allows higher advance rates while providing vital information.

In addition, asset-based lenders are often partnering with factors to create innovative financing that shares the risks and benefits of the relationship with retailers. This is an important change from the past, when factors would often not extend credit if their retail customer had pledged its inventory as collateral.

Some asset-based lenders have clearly focused on the retail market, often teaming with outside consultants who have particular expertise in appraising and liquidating inventories. Depending on their capabilities and experience, these firms can help remove much or all of the uncertainty relating to the value of collateral and the lender's exposure in the face of a retailer's failure. Lenders that wish to enter or expand their retail business should consider talking to one or more consultants.

Some retailers are quick to point out that an assetbased retail loan generally costs more than bank financing, with additional charges for commitment and maintenance. However, commercial finance companies and asset-based lenders typically offer retailers much more flexibility on loan covenants and payment schedules than banks.

Making the relationship work

As the asset-based lending community makes great strides to support the retail industry, the importance of open and frequent communication between the lender and retailer cannot be overemphasized. As in any borrower-lender relationship, there will be both bad and good news. Both parties must work together to ensure the free flow of information, particularly about collateral, to achieve the best result.

Asset-based lenders do not want to collect on their collateral by liquidation. Yet, in the absence of an ongoing dialogue, many lenders have made the specter of liquidation a self-fulfilling prophecy by not getting involved in a deteriorating situation until it was too late, or by pulling the plug prematurely. When dealing with retailers, a panicked reaction to unpleasant developments is the surest way for a lender to create an equally panicked, and poorly focused, retailer.

Lenders always evaluate a borrower's management team. In retail today, one finds many shortcomings in management skills and experience because the tremendous growth of and changes in the industry have outpaced the development of seasoned executive talent. This is perhaps the largest single problem faced by individual retailers.

Typically, these same executives also lack experience in dealing with lenders - they are not familiar with what lenders want, or when and in what form they want it. Retail executives are often unfamiliar with the obligation to deliver news and are naturally reluctant to deliver bad news. These things, important as they are, can only be learned over time in the practical, day-to-day environment.

For their part, lenders can encourage frank and open communications by creating a climate of trust and confidence, rather than hanging a Damocles sword over the retailer's head. And when crises and bankruptcy situations occur, as they will in some cases, the lender should take a detailed and careful look at the retailer's situation to see what might be done to help. For example, in case of bankruptcy, lenders may also be able to offer DIP financing that gives the retailer a new lease on life and the lender a 100 percent return on its investment.

Looking forward and upward

Many retailers are far from out of the woods but some have shown a remarkable and sustained turnaround. Those retailers that prevail will be strongly positioned for the future, as long as they continue to focus on meeting customer needs, and do not give in to the urge to expand at the expense of profitability.

Asset-based lenders can provide valuable support for the retail community, and a supportive lender may truly be a white knight to a retailer in trouble. But even for retailers that are relatively healthy yet not strongly capitalized, such a loan may provide the catalyst for growth, expansion and improved profits. And for secured lenders, the retail market offers significant opportunities to expand their loan portfolios, with manageable risk and potentially higher returns. A

[Author Affiliation]

Charles G. Johnson is senior vice president and regional manager of the Southeastern Division of Heller Financial 's Current Asset Management Group and Heller Business Credit, Atlanta, GA.

Rhodri Marsden's COMPLETE GUIDE TO MODERN ETIQUETTE

(OR, HOW TO BEHAVE IN THE DIGITAL AGE)

When John H Young published his Guide to the Manners, Etiquetteand Deportment of the Most Refined Society in 1879, it became abestseller in his native America. After you've read its 400 pages ofrules governing everything from napkin use to dismounting a horse,you feel that you could deal with anything day-to-day life mightchuck in your direction. If it were 1879. It isn't 1879, though, andwhile Young presents an idealised version of Victorian life (nowheredoes he address "being accosted by a drunkard" or "coping withgout") it's clear that behaviour has changed radically. Forinstance, his assertion that you should offer your own readingmaterial to others on a train before settling down to read ityourself is laughably out of step with the habits of moderncommuters. The internet in particular is having a profound effect onour social lives: the esteemed American rapper, 50 Cent, thinks it'sfine to tell 1.5 million people on Twitter that he's watching porn,while civil servants sound off about their colleagues using languagethat would turn the air purple. The web is, by any standards, amaelstrom of unhinged lunacy. No one is who they say they are; theyhide behind aliases like bubblewrap23 and either insult or stalkyou. Random people ask to be your friend, and when you agree theyswamp you with junk mail about their new band called Meatmonger. Wereally need a new set of rules to help us become level-headedbeacons of decency in the internet age - but as far as I'm aware, itdoesn't exist. If John H Young were still alive to see the abusethat's dished out on Facebook between people who are notionally"friends", I think he'd probably tear up his section on "ThePernicious Influence of Indolence", ignore his own advice aboutnever ridiculing others, and pen a withering anti-guide, detailingthe ways in which technology is creating a Most Unrefined Society...

Introductions and Meetings

Thanks to Facebook, facilitating introductions between like-minded friends is a breeze. No longer does one have to suffer theprolonged anxiety and crippling expense of throwing a party, orendure the social embarrassment of introducing people who end uphating each other's guts. You can just click a "Suggest Friends"link and let them get on with it. The sentence, "Sandra, I'd likeyou to meet Dave, he works in marketing, Dave, this is my goodfriend Sandra" need no longer be uttered; Sandra can see Dave's nameon Facebook, she knows he works in marketing and that he has afondness for death metal. And who their mutual friends are. Bingo.If Sandra and Dave then end up meeting in what we now call "reallife", the correct procedure is for one party to say, "I think I'myour friend on Facebook", then to nervously smile at one another,and almost imperceptibly move their heads forwards and sideways forapproximately two seconds to assess whether a kiss on the cheek ison the cards. If that's not happening, a half-hearted wave willsuffice. If the kiss is attempted, Sandra should turn her head 90degrees to the left or the right to avoid any possibility that herlips come into the equation. Dave should then attempt to kiss theopposite cheek too, fail, then ask Sandra what she's been "up torecently".

Calls and Visiting

This is by no means a nationwide trend, but for many citydwellers the act of popping around to someone's house to say hellohas been entirely displaced by the text message, instant message orthe Tweet. For decades, the stock response to the doorbell ringinghas been an optimistically curious, "I wonder who that is?"; todayit's more likely to be an irritable, "Who on earth is that?",followed by a nagging suspicion that something terrible hashappened. While previous generations have pondered the "cup ofsugar" issue - whether such calls are a front for some othermission, why these people don't just go and buy some sugar, how manycups of sugar to give them before making a harassment complaint -the modern equivalent is the request to borrow a wi-fi password. Youshould only give this out if you have sufficient technical savvy tobe able to change it a few days later; the local community won'tnecessarily believe you when you blame your arrest for copyrighttransgression (or worse) on "that weird bloke next door".

Conversation

In 1879, Young was very clear that during face-to-faceconversation, "all exaggeration and slang are detestable". Today,it's perfectly acceptable to embrace both. Indeed, there are timeswhen exaggeration and slang seem to be all we've got. While theremay have been distaste in Victorian times for vulgarisms such as,"How immensely jolly", now one can confidently deploy phrases suchas "Have a word", "Jog on", or "Up yours" at bus stops and inbistros without causing distress. Speaking one's mind whereverpossible - regardless of the effect it might have upon others - isto be encouraged. "Sort of" and "like" should be used as a sort-of-like ad hoc punctuation, and in moments of emotion or stress oneshould try to recall and clumsily piece together any overwroughtmonologues that you might have heard while watching soap operas onyour plasma TV, like: "I'm not being funny or anything, butseriously, if you so much as set a foot through that door right now,right, it's going to be the biggest mistake you've ever made in yourlife, and I'm not exaggerating, you bastard." That kind of thing.

Dining

We've retained many of the dining room's traditional codes ofconduct. Don't put your elbows on the table, don't cram too muchfood into your mouth, avoid putting your knife in your mouth(although that's more of a health and safety issue, than etiquette)and don't talk with your mouth full. Don't complain about the foodthat you're eating, particularly if your mouth is full of the foodyou're complaining about. Dining out, by contrast, should consist ofcomplaining about pretty much everything - decor, service, food,ambience - and generally making as much fuss as possible. You'repaying, after all. The correct use of mobile phones at the diningtable is often the subject of heated debate: phones should be placedface down approximately two inches to the left of your fork, and setto "vibrate". Incoming calls and texts permit you to immediatelyflip the phone over, gauge the importance of the communication, thenglance surreptitiously at your dining companions before eithersaying, "I just have to deal with this", or "That can wait until Ipretend to go to the toilet in about three minutes' time".

Street Etiquette

Mobile communication has revolutionised the ancient art ofwalking about. When taking a call on the street, one shouldimmediately become oblivious to one's surroundings and saunterabout, randomly. When the call is terminated, you must then take afew seconds to assess where the hell you've ended up, beforerejoining your original course. Asking for directions is no longerthe done thing; instead, consult Google Maps on your smartphone. IfGoogle Maps isn't working, start screaming and praying. Tippingone's hat to acquaintances has, for many years now, been replaced bythe act of shouting loudly from car windows. Or repeatedly holleringto a figure on the opposite pavement until you give up on them andcontinue your journey. Texting while walking can be dangerous. Thisis manifestly obvious to anyone who has witnessed near-misses withvehicles caused by people jabbing their thumbs repeatedly at aminiature keyboard. Despite this, continue doing it anyway. The oddsare probably stacked in favour of you surviving. Just about.

Courtship

The process of finding love has changed irrevocably in recenttimes. You're more likely to glimpse a sparkling blue eye behind alock of golden hair across a crowded webpage than a crowded room.The rulebook of online courtship hasn't yet been written: do you penseveral stanzas of heartfelt love poetry, demonstrating yourobsession with WH Auden, without realising that your prospectivepartner actually lives in Chelyabinsk and doesn't speak English? Ordo you just switch on your webcam and show them your genitals? Theanswers to these burning questions of etiquette are "no" and "no"respectively. Base your opinion of a prospective partner almostentirely on their online appearance, despite the fact that thepicture was probably taken five years ago, from a distance, at aweird angle, and has been digitally manipulated in Photoshop. Don'trespond to overtures of affection immediately; leave it for a coupleof weeks. Make them sweat, so when you finally get back to themthey'll burst into tears of gratitude and come running. When youfinally meet in a bar and discover that you don't like them muchafter all, pretend to take a call on your mobile from a distressedflatmate who's apparently broken their leg getting out of the bath,and leave swiftly without paying the bill.

Travel and Public Transport

There are times in modern life where one becomes bored of one'smobile phone ringtone and fancies changing it to something moreraucous. The upper deck of a bus is the correct place to explore thedozens of options on offer. As per street etiquette, when speakingon your mobile phone on public transport, pay no heed to thosearound you. Imagine that you're in some kind of soundproof bubble,allowing you to sound off at great volume about your trip to the STIclinic or to complain unnecessarily about the fact that you onlyearn 55k a year at the age of 25. After hanging up, wonder for amoment why it could be that everyone is staring at you. Put it downto the fact that your hair is looking particularly nice today, andmake your next call. When travelling on trains late at night with afriend, it's polite to offer them one earpiece of your stereoheadphones so you can both have a faintly uninvolving monoexperience of the last Adele album. Fall asleep on each other'sshoulders, end up stranded at some grim terminus and argue about whoshould pay for the 30-mile taxi journey back to civilisation.

The Home

The living room is the crucible of family life, the place whereparents and children can sit quietly together, staring at theirrespective LCD screens while occasionally glancing up at that bigLCD screen in the corner. Be sure to take it in turns to use theNintendo DS, the iPad and the laptop to instil a sense of co-operation, sharing and togetherness. Keep verbal contact to aminimum; if you wish to contact a family member in the samebuilding, send them an instant message or an e-mail outlining atentative plan for a face-to-face exchange. If urgent contact isrequired in an emergency, one is permitted to call for a familymember; the correct response is for said family member to say,"Yeah, in a minute" while they reluctantly log out of their chatroomwindow, Facebook wall, Twitter account, Angry Birds game or ChatRoulette session, before looking up with a glazed, witheringexpression and saying, "What?". Keep in mind the old poem: "Never atear bedims the eye/ That World of Warcraft cannot dry/ Never a lipis curled in pain/ That Bebo won't make right again".

Games and Amusements

Online gaming brings crowds of people together with the sharedgoal of blotting out as much of their real lives as possible. One ispermitted to play addictive one-player games for sessions lasting aslong as 18 to 20 hours, until you've been reported missing by familyand friends concerned for your well-being. Multiplayer games havefew of the rules of etiquette that govern their online equivalents;for example, there is no polite way to inform an opponent thatthey're about to have their upper torso blasted off with a BKP 2700"Enforcer" Cannon, so just go ahead and do it. It might not becricket, but that's because it's not cricket. Cheating isn't onlypermissible, it's positively encouraged; any means by which you canlever an advantage over your opponents should be embraced and usedto the full - not least because your opponents will be doing exactlythe same thing. An online word game should only be attempted withaccess to services designed to help people win at online word games,thus reducing said game to a battle between computers, and humansassuming the role of passive go-betweens. Be neither gracious indefeat, nor humble in victory; refuse rematches with people you havelost to, and after winning send your opponent a message sayingsomething along the lines of, "OMG i pwnd j00 n00b!" in order to rubit in.

Parties and Events

The formal party invitation with an RSVP request has largely beenreplaced by the Facebook Event. It's a frequently misused instrumentthat has, on more than one occasion, resulted in a suburban semi-detached house being besieged by 200 young people in pursuit of funwho then vent their frustration at the lack of fun on offer bylaying waste to the fixtures and fittings. Unless one has a masteryof the various privacy levels on Facebook (something that currentlyrequires years of study to achieve) it might be best to stick withbits of card, envelopes and stamps. A more common use of theFacebook Event is to invite people to a performance which requiresguests to pay an entrance fee. If you are invited to such a thing,and are busy that particular evening, the correct procedure is toimmediately post a lengthy reason for your non-attendance on the"wall" of the event, helping to build a magnificent array of excusesthat will plunge the performers into a blind panic and make themthink that no one is coming. If you aren't busy but have nointention of going, click the "Attending" button regardless, becauseit will give the performers a sense of excitement and purpose. Whenit's all over they probably won't remember whether you were there ornot in any case. If you are a performer, you should repeatedlybombard the same set of friends with requests that they watch youread poetry/ play the guitar/ deliver weak stand-up comedy, untilthey become so irritated at being constantly informed about yourstatic career development that they completely curtail your onlinefriendship.

In the Workplace

Allow technology to take the edge off the tedium of your workingday by sending flirtatious e-mails to that person you fancy in humanresources, unaware that the IT department are reading everything youwrite and are guffawing themselves hoarse at your romanticovertures. When sending e-mails from your work machine, adopt a care-free attitude towards addressing them, thus ensuring that your mumreceives a spreadsheet containing budget forecasts for 2011-12, andyour line manager receives an animated GIF of a naked man trying tokiss a horse. Strategies to conceal the ludicrous amount of time youspend on the internet rather than achieving second-quarterobjectives include: sighing loudly and muttering "something reallyhas to be done about this as a matter of some urgency"; walkingpurposefully through the office every 30 minutes while carrying astack of brightly coloured folders, pursing your lips and shakingyour head; and masking your giggles at a YouTube video of a catplaying the piano by faking a coughing fit and excusing yourself tofetch a glass of water.

Correspondence

If you thought that learning Ukrainian phrases from a guidebookbefore a visit to Kiev was tricky, the intricacies of the web'sbizarre syntax may leave you clutching your head in panic. Sarcasmis rampant and almost indistinguishable from non-sarcasm. Some wordsare misspelt for comic effect; others aren't, but telling one fromthe other requires superhuman concentration. And because onlineclans hate outsiders, no one's going to take you aside and give youlessons, pointing out that LOL doesn't mean "lots of love", or thatbeing "pwnd" isn't something to be proud of. One thing that'spossible to master after a few hours of practice is the addition ofkisses to written correspondence. Electronic communication has ledus to develop an intriguing and deeply complex emotional cipher inthe form of the letter "x" appended to texts, instant messages and e-mails. Work correspondence should remain free of kisses unless a)you have attended some kind of social event with the other person,and b) you have a vague feeling of attraction towards them, howeverfleeting and insubstantial. You are generally obliged to match thenumber of kisses you have received when composing your reply;downgrading an "xx" to an "x", or an "x" to no kiss at all can causethe self-esteem of your correspondent to plummet drastically. Threeis the maximum number of kisses you should employ, unless you arewriting to a lover, or family member, or penning a furious letter ofresignation to your employer that requires a sarcastic sign-off.

Shopping

If you buy faulty goods from a shop, you take them back for arefund. If, however, you buy faulty goods from geezah149 using anauction site or e-commerce facility, you should contact geezah149with a suitably furious complaint, using many capital letters andexclamation marks. Geezah149 will, if he bothers replying to yourcomplaint at all, then say "You're wrong" or "What goods?", whichwill then kick off a stressful six-week period of argument andcounter-argument. Ultimately, this will result in the totaldisappearance of geezah149 from the face of the internet, and youleft holding some object that only cost you 3.99 but hasnevertheless caused you to invest approximately 10 man-hoursattempting to assert your rights as a consumer. Don't let that bethe end of the matter, though. Carry the resentment with you formonths, if not years. Vow to get your revenge by any means possible,and state categorically that you will never buy anything from theinternet again, before going online and buying something from theinternet. *

Decade we can't forget; Eighties revival

Surely there has been a mistake. The eighties revival that haswelled throughout the year has blown its top this week with therelease of Duran Duran's compilation album, Greatest. Take heed.Take cover and take off those deely-boppers, shoulder pads, day-glowristbands, and stone-washed denim. Just when you thought you'dburied the last remnant from The Decade That Taste Forgot, the retroroundabout decrees that the eighties are back. And how.

It all began innocuously enough last autumn with a compilationalbum, The Eighties Mix, featuring plinky plonky pop acts ofyesteryear like Bronksi Beat, Visage, Ultravox, and The ThompsonTwins. A generation of over-25s engineered its entry straight intothe Top 20. Why?

Then there were the embarrassing comebacks from every reformedpastel-wearing popstar alive: Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet,Haircut 100's Nick Heyward, Heaven 17, and Adam Ant all standaccusedin the dock of 1980s no-hopers who won't retire gracefully.Confirmation that the tidal wave of awfulness has arrived is theimminent arrival on the tour circuit of the Duranies and a jointSuper Tour of clashing egos and hair gel with Culture Club, TheHumanLeague, and ABC next month. Why?The celluloid world is not exempt. In Drew Barrymore's recentmovie, The Wedding Singer, we are treated to a 120-minute paean tothe day-glo cultural minutae of the decade. From the Michael Jacksonmoonwalk to the Miami Vice rolled-up sleeves and disturbing mullethaircuts. Why?Just to seal our fate in a claustrophobic vacuum of pastel shades,the torture toy of the 1980s is back in repackaged style. Hungarianinventor Erno Rubik's Cube is attempting to beat its 300 millionsales with a Rubik for the 1990s. Why? We can forgive a whirlwindromance with the 1970s on the basis that it brought us disco andpunkrock alone.But the 1980s have no such redeeming attributes. Music, fashion,and cultural clutter, not to mention the I'm-alright-Jack mentalitynurtured throughout the decade, all form a brick wall of oppositionto any revivalist tendencies still lurking.Warning: There now follows an A to Z of the good, the bad, and thedownright ugly guide to the 1980s.- Aids Aids was discovered in 1981 and safe sex was to reign in ageneration's libido. The UK government issued abstract warningsabout icebergs. Putting condoms on bananas became second nature tosex education teachers.- Band Aid The music business put their collective egos to oneside and aided Saint Bob in his mission to Feed The World.Humanitarian ideals from Status Quo. Who would have thought?- CDs Out went the scratchy punk rock 45rpm, 7-inch singles and incame the personality bypass compact disc, boasting crystal clearsound for the muso in your life. The wafer-thin circle of technologyparalleled a rise in the 12-inch remix record.- Designer From stubble to beer to condoms, the designer tag wasGod. Kettle by Graves, light by Starck and clothes by Paul Smith.- Exercise Time for lean cuisine. In the narcissistic pursuit ofthe Me Generation, the gym became the place to sweat as well asnetwork.The F-Plan, the E numbers, and the Jane Fonda workout becamecommon parlance.- Filofax Despite being around since before the First World War,this loose-leaf personal organiser left the realm of scientists andengineers to enter the hallowed ground of the yuppie. Loss of thefilofax meant instant social alienation.- Glasnost After more than 50 years of central diktat, Russiansgot the freedom to start business and form extra-party associations.Leader Mikhail Gorbachev promoted liberal policies and freedom ofcriticism (glasnost) and economic reform (perestroika).- Hitler Diaries One of the century's biggest scams that left TheSunday Times with a red face. Its exclusive story that The HitlerDiaries were the real thing turned sour when source and academicLordDacre was proven wrong.- Internet The US army and academics let the public in on theirprivate communication system. The Sinclair Spectrum and Amstradtechnology gave way to Bill Gates, Apple-dom, the Silicon Valley,andour very own Silicon Glen.- JR Larry Hagman's oil magnate baddie in the soap opera Dallaswas on everyone's mind. More specifically "Who shot JR?" badgesadorned any self-respecting soap fan's lapel. His brother, Bobby(played by former Man from Atlantis, Patrick Duffy), was yet to beabducted by aliens, and Joan Collins, as Alexis in Dynasty,succeededin expanding our vocabulary to include the word "superbitch".- Karaoke A Japanese import that was cheap, cheerful, and promisedhours of lo-fi entertainment for overworked office workers whofancied a singalong. Proven saviour of every no-hoper bar that sadlyinspired legions of delusional professional singers to form aneverending pool of Stars In Your Eyes hopefuls.- Levis Nick Kamen stripping down to his white shorts in alaundrette revitalised the San Franciscan product of Levi denims.The red 501 tag was noted on the backside of every pop star andBritish Gas workman alike.- Madonna The Material Girl shook her bangles and belly at any TVcamera that moved while getting into the groove with on/off husbandSean Penn and making dreadful movies. The Virgin dervish whirled herway through a theatrical wardrobe of chameleon images and won theadoring hearts and ears of a global audience to become Queen of Pop.- Nuclear Nuclear weapons and Nuclear Disarmament ensured an on-going struggle between The Greenham Common protestors, her Majesty'sgovernment, and the boys in blue. Designer Katherine Hamnett (nowcharged with giving Tory leader William Hague a fashion makeover)famously took her anti-nuclear protest to Downing Street where her T-shirt blasted Mrs T with news that 58% DON'T WANT PERSHING.- Ozone Unaware that the protective layer around our atmosphereeven existed, the 1980s bellowed that our toxic emissions and carbonmonoxide overload was burning a hole in the ozone layer. Biblicaldestruction of our planet will be a direct result of this globalwarming. Stop using spray cans now.n Privatisation The buzz word and buzz activity of the decade witheverything from the coal mines to gas and house purchases swoppingtheir nasty, Labour- smelling "nationalisation" persona for thegreater Conservative value of private, mine, mine all mine.- Queen Her Majesty received a bolt from the brave new world whenthe new generation of royals kicked the Palace into the mediaeighties. Fergie and Andy, Di and Charles: the quartet whoseromancing splattered the Palace's inner sanctum on the tabloids'pages. One was not amused.- Raves The acid house scene shook the minds, bodies, and souls ofthe luvved-up Ecstasy ravers dancing their little Smiley Shoom T-shirts and dungaree-clad limbs to the club sound of Ibiza. Mad ForIt!- Sportswear The shell suit, once a lightweight athlete'sessential, was stolen by a nation of couch potatoes. Sporting labelsfrom Nike to Pringle and Adidas was de rigueur for football casualsto bowling pensioners alike.- Thatcher Former Prime Minister Margaret Hilda, now Baroness, whoreigned supreme from 1979 throughout and gave us the Poll Tax,NormanTebbitt, and The Falklands War.- USSR The culmination of the communist countries' disintegrationand move away from Kremlin rule spread like a red virus throughoutEastern Europe eventually reaching the crisis- ridden Motherland inthe late 1980s.- Videos No-one cared about the song - it was all about how muchand how extravagant the three-minute video looked. Image is all. Bythe time we'd reached Michael Jackson's mini epic Thriller thoseoriginators Queen were hanging their cheapskate video heads in shameat how tawdry Bohemian Rhapsody looked.- Wall Street Conspicuous consumption, greed, and Gordon Gekko allhit the big money wall on Black Monday, Black Wednesday, and BlackFriday throughout the decade of crashes and ERM fiascos. You couldspot a Wall Street moneymaker by the red braces and the red Porsche.- XTCThe original name of the drug now known as MDMA, E orEcstasy. Texan students, gay New York clubbers, and a man with whitehair called Alexander Shulgin in California were among the first tosample the "luvved-up" effects of this drug. As the years progressedMDMA transformed into a cheap'n'nasty amphetamine with fatalitiesanda generation apparently heading for serotonin deprivation.- Yuppy The Young Urban Professionals overtook the Sloans (fulltitle Sloan Rangers) as the most disliked breed of the 1980s. Withmobile phones glued to their ears, filofaxes in constant blurrymovement, it was go, go, go on plumping up the money earning tree onthe Isle of Dogs before doing some R&R at their new Docklands flat.- ZTT The record label established by The Buggles man Trevor Horngave us the best-hyped band since Sigue Sigue Sputnik in threeLiverpudlian lars and two very out Liverpudlian gay singerscollectively known as Frankie Goes To Hollywood. Their debut single,Relax!, was banned. Subsequently stormed the charts - and historybooks.- Culture Club, Human League, ABC play SECC, Glasgow on December11.Duran Duran play Clyde Auditorium on Monday, December 14. Theiralbum, Greatest, is out now.

NSW: Woman threatened during home invasion

AAP General News (Australia)
08-24-2004
NSW: Woman threatened during home invasion

SYDNEY, Aug 24 AAP - A 25-year-old woman was threatened with a screwdriver during a
home invasion in Sydney's west.

NSW police said the female student hid in a bedroom of her Harris Park unit about 3.30pm
yesterday after hearing a loud noise.

A man then entered her room and threatened her with a screwdriver, before fleeing with
some money and personal items.

The woman was not injured in the incident.

The man was described as being aged 30-35 years, 180cm tall with a strong build, medium
complexion and short brown hair.

AAP kjd/was

KEYWORD: SCREWDRIVER

2004 AAP Information Services Pty Limited (AAP) or its Licensors.

SA: Henry Olonga weds in Adelaide

AAP General News (Australia)
04-18-2004
SA: Henry Olonga weds in Adelaide

ADELAIDE, April 18 AAP - Exiled Zimbabwean cricketer Henry Olonga has married in Adelaide.

Olonga, who with teammate Andy Flower wore a black armband mourning what they said
was the death of democracy in Zimbabwe during last year's cricket World Cup, married Tara
Read at an Adelaide church yesterday.

The 27-year-old has not returned to Zimbabwe since his public protest and plans to
divide his time between Adelaide and England.

"It has been a big year with lots of adjustments and changes but it has also been a
great adventure," Olonga told Adelaide's Sunday Mail newspaper.

"I know what it's like to have and not to have."

Olonga and Ms Read, a 34-year-old physical education teacher at an Adelaide school,
were to honeymoon in Mauritius before having a second wedding in Kenya with Olonga's family.

AAP sl/tma/jlw

KEYWORD: OLONGA

2004 AAP Information Services Pty Limited (AAP) or its Licensors.